Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
