He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
