So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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