Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
send nudes
from the living room?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
