Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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