what day is it and did you see me today?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
