just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
