I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
