We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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