He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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