its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
