Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
