Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
