I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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