At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
