hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
