I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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