its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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