I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
