I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
