I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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