thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
