whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
