my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
