Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
