this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
