i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
