His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
