I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
id be glad to
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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