I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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