Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
