that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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