I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
