I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
