Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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