Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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