if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
