Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
