I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
