Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is my gift to your gina
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
