he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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