there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
