Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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