i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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