she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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