But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
