I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
