smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
