NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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