I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
