Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
