My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
