So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
